Death and Dying

i went to visit my grandmother and grandfather last week. we call them "grandmother" and "pop". they are both in their mid 80's and "health" has been on the agenda for the last few years. they have been saying lately that all of their friends are dying or are dead. i've thought that that has to be a bit challenging, mentally. neither of them are very active and any activity they would like to begin is often halted by an injury; setting them back a few weeks until the next injury or sickness. it has to be frustrating. but, seeing so many of their friends die has got to get old. to see your friends, in their case, at church and around the neighborhood, and then to just not see them any more. they say their community has been slowly dwindling down. not many friends that are still alive. this has been part of our conversation for about 5 years now.

i haven't had many friends die. in high school, lance died of cancer. he got it in the leg and it spread or something and then we were all at his memorial. i cried a little bit, but mainly was just confussed and sad and wondering why i wasn't sad enough to cry more than i was. not sure i was as close to lance as some of his other friends. in my mid 20's i worked at a camp. and so did shannon. shannon's mom was dying of cancer and she asked me to come and pray for her. i was an intense, "faith-filled" young lad at the time but a little worried about the proposition. i went nonetheless. her mom walked for the first time in 3 months and we all saw it as a mini miracle; her mom died the next month. in college, trey died because he killed himself. he was a christian and was gay and had aids . . . he struggled to make them all fit together. i liked trey a lot. ironically, and as a side note, trey was the first massage i ever gave to someone (not knowing i would go on to be a massage therapist). it was on laguna beach. i knew trey was gay and that i was not. but it was all such a spontaneous thing. it's just how i was / and sometimes still am. afterwards, though, i was given a life directing compliment from trey : "that was the frst time i have been touched by a man in such an intimate way that had no sexual conotations to it. it was just safe." i've thought about that from time to time when i work on clients nowadys, who come from so many varying backgrounds and just need "safe touch" . . .

my grandfather, on this visit, joked that he was looking forward to a "back rub", but when i put out the invitation to actually receive one, he declined. my grandparents have never been all that physical with us and it's strange to want to give them touch as they are getting older. "safe touch" even. it's just uncomfortable for them. i spose their getting older and potentially dying is a little uncomfortable for me as well. our differences feel unfinished to me. like there is much i need to work on in my own head / heart. but this brings up the topic of "family" and family dynamics that i may tackle in a later note. but enough for now.